My Past Life During the Time of Jesus
The memory of this past life was returned to me on March 2nd, 2014, exactly 7 months to the day from when I first began the 365 Workbook lessons from A Course In Miracles:
I woke up at 4:00a.m. from some unknown cause and rolled onto my side to resume sleeping, when a Voice spoke to me from within saying, "We will now return a memory to you. A cherished memory that we have kept safe for you until now."
This got my full attention. I made sure that I was most definitely awake.
"Okaaaay...." I tentatively replied in my mind. "Let's have it then."
"This will be the return of a memory from what you call a 'past life.' One that you lived during the time when Jesus walked the earth as a man," the Voice explained.
"What?!" I excitedly replied. "Who was I? Was I an apostle?"
"No," came the flat reply.
"Was I someone from one of the bible stories then?" I asked hopefully.
"No," came the same deadpan reply.
"Was I anybody famous at all?"
"No, you were an ordinary person, living an ordinary life," the Voice replied.
"Well what exactly did I do with Jesus then?" I wanted to know.
"You made eye contact with Him," the Voice replied. "Once."
"Okaaaay..." I said, feeling slightly disappointed. "Well I guess I'd still like to hear about it."
I was immediately launched into what I can only describe as an "inner viewing" of my past life during the time of Jesus. Up until this point, it had never occurred to me that I had ever lived during this time.
My name was Silian. I was a small, wiry, dark skinned fisherman living by the Sea of Galilee, not many miles from the city of Tiberias. I had a wife and four children. Today was the day Jesus would be passing through our area, and my wife and I took our children to hear Him speak.
However, once we arrived, we quickly realized that the crowd was too big and pressing; we feared we might be crushed or separated. So, I told my wife and children to stay on the outskirts of the throng, while I went on alone to see if I could wend my way towards Jesus. I wanted to get a close-up look at Him for myself as long as He was so near.
As I made my way into the tightly packed crowd, I found small gaps to fit through as the dense population would suddenly shift and sway in unison. I slowly picked my way inward. All I wanted to do was see Jesus; I didn't much care what He had to say. I wanted to know if He looked like the Son of God. This is what people said He claimed to be, and I wanted to see Him with my own eyes, in order that I might judge for myself if this was true or not.
I suddenly found myself at the center of the crowd, and there He stood, in a small clearing, getting ready to speak. He seemed to be waiting for the people to settle and hush. He had five men with Him; one standing off to His right seemingly deep in thought, and two others, quietly speaking with Him. The fourth and fifth men appeared to have the job of "crowd control," as they set the boundary of how close the people could come to Jesus. I was awed that just two men could do this. The thousands of people appeared to fully respect these men. Everyone kept a courteous distance of several yards away from where Jesus and His apostles had gathered.
At this point I paused the "vision" to make an observation.
"This surprises me," I said. "I always read about how the crowds pressed and mobbed around Jesus."
"This was not always so," the Voice replied. "When speaking, He was often given respectful space so that all could hear."
"Oh. I assume the five men were some of His apostles? Where were the rest of them?"
"Performing other duties," the Voice explained. "The twelve were not constantly together as you are imagining. Each had their own specific tasks to do besides assisting Jesus with His Teaching Mission, and this often took them elsewhere."
"Who were the apostles with Him that day then?" I quickly wanted to know before we moved on.
The Voice patiently obliged by answering, "The tall one standing off to one side was Andrew, the two nearest Jesus were Peter and John. The two commanding crowd control were the Alpheus twins: James and Judas. Not Judas Iscariot mind you, but the other one."
"Okay. Thank you. Please continue on."
My "vision" then resumed:
Jesus then moved forward as if to begin speaking, and at that moment, I caught sight of His face. In this instant, I was forever changed. He made eye contact with me, and something within me was instantly healed and transformed.
I was suddenly filled with awe and love more intense than I'd ever imagined possible. Something supremely good surged forward from deep within me, rising up to the surface of my consciousness, as if to greet God Himself. It was as though all the goodness that lay hidden within me suddenly sprang to life. I felt an ancient calling, an unexplainable pull forward; I was deeply compelled by a Great Love and Goodness to be more than I thought I was.
The contact was literally for only a second, before the crowd swallowed me and others came forward to see Him.
I was beside myself from this brief, but intense experience. At this point, there was no doubt in my mind that here, clearly, was the Son of God.
Then He began to speak. He stood in a small area, at the base where several rolling hills met, forming a sort of natural auditorium. The crowd was gathered on the hillsides all around, and became so silent I could hear my own pulse pounding in my ears. Not a baby cried, nor a mouth dared whisper. His voice carried strong and clear across the crowd, so that all could hear Him without strain. He neither shouted nor unduly raised His voice in any way. In fact, His voice naturally rang out like a beautiful melody; a song, speaking of love and human kindness, of brotherhood, and cooperation.
I interrupted the "vision" again.
"But what were His exact words?" I pleaded. "Please tell me exactly what He said!"
"God's Word is an experience," the Voice replied. "His specific words are not important for this retelling. All that is important for you to know right now is your experience of His Word. That was His message to you. The experience of His Word is that of Unspeakable Love. His specific words in and of themselves were not as important as the experience of them."
"Okay. Thank you. Please carry on," I replied.
After His speech was finished, it took me several hours to slowly make my way back to my wife and children through the heavy crowd, as they were almost 2 miles away.
I had had such a profound experience, that I exuberantly began to share it with whomever was nearest me as I walked.
The people I interacted with just seemed to nod their heads, and then quickly move away from me as fast as possible.
This puzzled me as I lay in bed, watching everything unfold. I concluded that apparently not everyone had had the same experience as I did.
Once I was rejoined with my wife and children, I was astonished to find out that they'd heard Jesus's message too. How could this be? They had been miles away! We were amazed by this miracle.
I interrupted the "vision" once again.
"Wait, wait, wait. What kind of miracle was this? I've never read about anything like this happening. Why was this never written about or reported? Please explain." I asked the Voice.
The Voice kindly obliged.
"It was indeed a common miracle that happened to many people, and it was spoken of by Jesus Himself. He said many times, 'Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.' (Mark 4.9) Did you think He meant your physical ears? No. God's Word comes to you from within. It is not bound by time or distance. Anyone ready to accept His Word will indeed hear it, no matter where his or her body may appear to be located.
As for the apparent underreporting of such a miracle, you must understand; most who experienced it were at a loss for words to describe such an event in first place. Not only that, but it was experienced in varying degrees, depending on that person's readiness to hear God's Word. This type of miracle was a deeply personal revelation of God. That's a difficult thing to believe, much less share. Even by the experiencers themselves. And lastly, most didn't even regard such a thing as a miracle in the first place. The majority of the people were looking to the physical for miracles, such as healing the sick, or raising the dead. To have an inner experience of God's Word, was hardly considered a miracle at the time."
"Oh... Got it. Thank you."
I then found out why everyone was reacting so strangely towards me on my walk back to my family. Before my encounter with Jesus, it seems that I had not been a kind man.
I had a hot temper, and was quick to physically strike both my wife and children if they angered me, and even quicker to lash out with cruel words. I was harsh and ruthless in my business dealings, and never gave charity or offered help to anyone in need unless it benefited me somehow.
Everyone who knew me disliked me.
But after my encounter with Christ, a profound healing had taken place. I began to see that there were benefits to the spirit that were more important than any worldly gains or power. I realized that it was wrong to treat others poorly, and that love should always dominate your heart.
I made a choice. It was a new decision to work hard to improve myself. I wanted to be the person Jesus saw in me, but I slipped up often. My temper!
Still, it was a great improvement over who I had been before. Now I was actively seeking goodness and light.
Then about a year and 3 months later, I heard the devastating news that Jesus had been crucified. I couldn't believe it! How could this be? Could they not see His Goodness? How could anyone find fault with Him? I was distraught, as were my wife and children. I couldn't eat or drink for 3 days, and then, after that, only minimally at the urgings of my family.
My sadness and depression grew with each passing day. I loved a man with all my heart and soul, whom I'd only made the briefest eye contact with. And now He was gone. I had thought He would be with us for the rest of our lives. I was sure He had come to fix the world! I was certain He came to take away all pain and suffering, and bring His Heavenly Kingdom to earth! How could it have ended this way so quickly? How could He have been killed?
After nearly a month, my wife finally said to me, "Silian, your despondency is growing tiresome for us. You barely go out and fish. You are not upholding your duties as a provider for this family. You sit around all day as a man who is dead inside. This has to stop, or we will all starve. Honestly, I almost preferred you better as the angry man who beat us. At least then we knew what you were thinking! And you worked!"
I knew she was right, but what could I do? I finally asked Jesus Himself for help. I'd heard that people had seen Him after His death; that He was truly raised from the dead. If this were indeed true, then I reasoned that He would be able to help me now.
That night, on the 30th day of mourning His death, I had a dream that Jesus came to me.
At this point, I made the realization that I was lying in my bed, receiving a past life revelation, and now I was about to recount a dream from that past life. This seemed so strange and absurd to me! I watched and listened on anyway:
In this dream, Jesus came to me with outstretched arms, and a face full of light and love. He spoke to me saying, "Silian, I did not come to fix all the wrongs of the world for you. Where would be your spiritual growth in that? I came to show you how to fix them yourself. No one can do this work for you. Where would the ownership be, if someone gave you something you did not earn? Peace is learned and manifested through the heart of each individual soul. Each one must come to it by his own determination and willingness. This is the only way. I have simply shown you the Way. You each have an individual job to do in upholding the Way I have set forth. You each have a special function in bringing peace to earth. The Way I have prepared for you all is this: to love one another as I have loved you. I beseech you then, to continue My Work. My message is simple and my burden is light. I lay it before you to perform the function of loving your fellows. Do not feel alone as you carry out My Work; I go before you, beside you, and within you. I am your Constant Companion, and your Greatest Friend. I have made this Call to all, but many still refuse to hear. Through your love, you must help them to hear, for I will leave no one behind. Of this I promise you."
I (Silian) awoke the next morning with a healed heart. The pain and sadness were gone, and I was rejuvenated with knowing I had a job to do; I was to extend my love and peace to the lives of those I touched. I redoubled my efforts to be kind to others, and nearly erased all traces of negativity from my mind. My wife and children thought I'd gone mad at first; but no, this new, kinder man was to stay, and I felt sane for the first time in my life. My fishing business soon flourished, as my dealings were now completely honest and generous.
By the end of my life, I'd finally learned the Law of Love: what you give is what you receive; giving and receiving are one in the same.
I died a happy man.
There ended my "vision."
I then just lay in my bed, astounded, pondering all this. Could I have made all this up? Did this life of mine actually happen? Did I really have an incarnation during the lifetime of Jesus? I had never entertained this thought before. In fact, I'd read many books by authors who've performed past life hypnosis with thousands of people. Not once was an experience like this mentioned in any of those books. Neither had it come up during my own past life regression hypnosis session. I had questions! So, hoping the Voice was still there, I thought I'd at least "ask" who my wife and children were during that lifetime. It bothered me how awful I'd been towards them, and I wondered if any of them were a part of my life now.
The Voice responded to my query by saying, "It would not be beneficial at this time for you to know any other soul's identity during this time period of your learning. It is enough that we have revealed your own. For now, to uncover the identities of your family and those you appeared to have mistreated would only increase your guilt. That is never our purpose."
With that, I felt no further information was to be forthcoming.
I glanced at my clock, and to my astonishment, a whole hour had gone by. It was now almost 5:00a.m. and I thought I'd never get back to sleep. I had to get up in an hour! Not to mention my head was buzzing with thoughts and questions. I was as wide-awake as I could possibly be.
But what happened next, was almost weirder than what I'd just been through. As soon as I closed my eyes, I immediately fell asleep.
And what I dreamt was definitely noteworthy.
I dreamt I was standing outside my house, in the backyard, looking up at the night sky. Then suddenly, I saw a spaceship hovering overhead. It sent me loving greetings, which I received within my mind, then moved on. Another one took its place. Then came another and another; each different in form and style, but all bringing me the exact same warm, loving, greetings. I felt nothing but peace and love as I watched this strange procession unfold, but I was also confused. Why were they greeting me like this? Why were they welcoming me? Who were they?
After about 20 of them had passed overhead, the last one paused before disappearing like the rest. This last ship lit up its entire bottom with the most beautiful collection of rainbow colored lights I'd ever seen. Then I "heard" a different message from this ship; it told me I was being welcomed back into the collective consciousness of the universe soon, and they were all pleased to incorporate me when that time came.
I woke up with a start. I was filled with a sense of joy at this message; I had a feeling of happy anticipation towards my... What did it feel like? Homecoming?
And I also wondered who on this planet now, had also lived a lifetime during the years Jesus walked the earth? How many are here with me now, bringing His love to a loveless place, doing His work?
It is a safe bet, that if you are reading this, you are one of them.